I began gaining weight around 7 years old. I remember in first grade we had to weigh at school. At 7 years old I weighed in at an average 57lbs. I remember that day distinctly. You see, my mother was an obsessive dieter and constantly was complaining about being overweight. As a child I was VERY aware in my mind that people eat a lot of food, get fat, and diet this way then diet that way.
By the time I was 10 I had gained 43 pounds and was a quite chubby (104 lbs in fact) but still tall for my age 4th grader. There was a girl in my class who weighed 69 pounds at 10.... I remember hating her.
I began my dieting struggles with my mother around that time. You see she was turning 30 and was losing her mind! Everyone always told her, "You think its hard to lose weight now, wait until you're 30" I mean it was full on starving, binging, richard simmons, weight watchers, susan Powter, mayo clinic, cabbage soup and so on craziness. I sadly was along for the ride. I stopped growing taller at about 10 1/2 and was 5 feet tall. Everyone had caught up to my height but my weight continued to creep up.
By the time I was 14 I was 167 lbs and finally had a growth spurt leaving my final and current height at 5'4" tall. The dieting never slowed but both my mother and I continued to grow wider. We also were steady step aerobics attenders. 3-5 times a week we would go work out early in the mornings before school.
Enter the Phen Phen phenomenon of the late 90's. Now being raised by a diet obsessed mother I never thought twice about taking a diet drug... I know its absolutely horrible!!! But you guessed it. I began taking phentermine at the innocent age of 14. I had a pretty active schedule also. Working out 3-5 times a week, school, and I had a part time job at a local deli after school. I think the phentermine kept me going to be honest. My diet was super erratic depending of the diet of the month.
Over the course of 9 months I lost 30 lbs. with this regime and I was the absolute thinnest in my life. I was 15, thin, cute, athletic, and was loving it.
In comes personal tragedy. June 30th, 1997 I was 15. School was out and we had a big camping trip planned for the next day. My mom and sister dropped me off at work and went on with their day. 3 hours later I got a call that my boss (a friend of the family and my dad's boss as well) would be there to pick me up and to close the deli early. I didnt understand what was going on. He picked me up and said we were going to the hospital. There was an accident...huh? mom is hurt... what? Little sister (who was 12 at the time) isnt doing well...huh? Your dad is waiting for you there... How?? What? Nothing was making sense... I got to the hospital and found my very large group of aunts uncles cousins grandparents all there, in tears.... Huh??
Theres my dad... head in hands and eyes red and teary... Dad? I am told that my mom is going to make it but my sister is on life support and theres no saving her....Huh???
Wow... I need a break...
Okay, anyways... I have always been an eater... My portions were huge even for a full adult. I have always turned to food... Im not sure exactly when that started. My weight loss was all gone in no time and I was up to 195 by the end of 10th grade with a quick dip down to 175 for about 5 minutes. I got married at 18 and weighed 214 on my wedding day.
My highest weight was mid 2009 where I tipped the scale at 260lbs a weight that I vowed to never see again.
I did weight watchers in 2006 and was very successful dropping down to 184 but stalled due to marital stresses and turned to food again.
So this year on January 28th, 2010 I weighed myself and recorded the 252.4 number that looked me square in the face and said, "NO more"
I have a hard time finding ways to open up and deal with my emotions so I have decided that a blog may just be what I need.
This is a record of my journey to learning how to have a healthy relationship with food, emotions, and exercise; all prove to be struggles.
